Silly Swedes

Another 'check minus' in the long line of duds which prove I shouldn't be anywhere near a corporate music A&R rep comes 1995's We Care by Swedish power group Whale. Man, when I first saw the video for "Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe" on The Box I thought it was the second fucking coming. Actually that's what I did each time I dropped 3 bucks a phone call to see cutie lead singer Cia Berg bounce around on a blanket, suck a lollypop and stare around the set like she's stoned out of her mind. In Doc Martens no less! I obviously had some weird brace fetish thing going on at the time but whatever - she was fucking hot. And actually still kinda is today according to Google Images. But regardless, I really thought Whale was the 'next big thing'. Fuck Ace Of Base, fuck Weezer, fuck Blues Traveller - who'd gonna know those names in five years? Whale was the future, or at least that's what I tried to convince my three friends at the time. In total disregard of what history has sadly shown, I stick by their We Care album and man, it still fucking kicks today! Not only the aforementioned "Hobo" but "Pay For Me", "Happy In You" and the amazing "That's Where It's At" - probably the best non grind- or black-metal song to ever come out of Sweden. And since I was most likely the only guy in north Jersey to also grab their mini-CD Pay For Me way back then (which has a great cover of Prince's "Darling Nikki") I uploaded that as well. Like fellow unheralded rap-rockers Quarishi, Whale eventually faded into obscurity on this side of the pond except to dorks like me who still fantasize that Cia is what every mail-order bride looks like. If they would ever respond to my emails. Enjoy.

Velvet Svine

Currently watching: Arrested Development (Season 3)
Currently listening to: 311 Universal Pulse

It Ain't Rape If It's Dead...

I'm probably one of the ten people out there who liked the Bloodhound Gang in their Use Your Fingers days - a snotty duo rapping Star Wars references over generic but funky 4-track beats. Shit, they got Rip Taylor to intro their album for chrissakes! Back then the band was primarily Jimmy Pop Ali and Daddy Long Legs (he's the mohawked guy sticking his tongue out on the cover); after Use Your Fingers completely bombed, Long Legs blamed Columbia Records and bailed. Bloodhound Gang reformed with different members a year later and went on to solidify themselves in rap rock history - most would say that's the end of the story. But wait... a couple years later, heavily in my nü metal phase (gimme a break it was 1999!), I went to check out Slipknot at D.C.'s 9:30 Club. Opening bands were Kittie (shit, they were probably 15 at the time), Will Haven (precursor to the amazing - and sadly R.I.P. - Abominable Iron Sloth) and some weird rap rock band called Wolfpac. They were terrible but hilarious, I couldn't understand a fucking word they sang but the grooves seemed interesting enough so I grabbed a CD and a t-shirt for the fuck of it. The shirt suckered me in with a big J. Geils-esque hand print on the back over the classic caption "It Ain't Rape If It's Dead." And the album was Somthin Wicked This Way Comes. Imagine Insane Clown Posse a little less gay, way more underproduced and you'll get the idea. It's still kinda cheesy but less tongue in cheek - "Death Becomes Her" is the real standout. And the "Humpty Dance" cover screams old school Bloodhound Gang, shit it coulda been an outtake from Fingers. Evidently the band re-released all these tracks (re-recorded?) on their Evil Is... album but I never cared enough to check it out. Checking out Wolfpac's wikipedia page it seems they eventually teamed up with ICP ('natch) for a bunch of tours and even got their fingers into the porn biz. And who said there was no future in horrorcore? P.S. I sold the shirt on eBay a couple years back for a shitload - who woulda thunk?

Los Vengeance Des Les Mortes

 
Currently watching: The Crawling Eye 
Currently listening to: James Brown Reality

September 11, 1649

After looking over the 43 bands playing this year's Central Illinois Metalfest (July 22-24) and whining to myself over how I won't make it out there, I dug up this relatively lost "best of" CD by Doylestown, OH grinders Drogheda. Released in 1998 after a few successful albums on the now-defunct Wild Rags Records, Celebrating Five Years Of Violence features their incredible A Celebration Of Violence demo, tracks from their 1998 split with Dismembered Fetus, re-recorded versions of choice songs from their Drogheda and Pogromist albums, several previously unreleased studio tracks and a brand new song. It's a great introduction to an underrated band that I was happy to discover have kept playing (albeit sporadically) throughout the last twenty years and are on the bill of the 2011 CMI. Check 'em out if you can.

Rage On

 
Currently watching: Super 8

Currently listening to: Kwest Tha Madd Lad This Is My First Album

Piss-Peadaling Pop-Punk

Pretty obscure 1996 compilation featuring twelve bands spitting out 24 skate punk tracks in just under an hour. Pretty much no info whatsoever on the guilty parties which include Secondhand, Maud Gonne, Felix Frump, Pre-Skool, Algebra One, Sticky, Lostribe, Winter Dance Party, Eight Hundred Octane, Seething Grey, Readymade and Ellery Jet. Any internet searches come up either obscure, empty, vague or completely going in the wrong direction - regardless I gotta give props to Richmond, VA's now-defunct Delmar Records for somehow shitting If You Find The Ramp onto the market - chate hommes.

Shred Bitches!!!

 
Currently watching: Piranha 3D

Currently listening to: Elitist Fear In A Handful Of Dust