Sunday, January 31, 2010

Warped Lunar Sludge

Black Mayonnaise officially came into existence on August 6, 1991 out of nowhere, crudely inspired by old Godflesh, old Carcass, old Butthole Surfers, old Chapeau, and Big Black. Earlier recordings have been described as "garage Godflesh" and "like Happy Flowers with a drum machine". The gestalt-like change into the "space sludge" sound that occurred in 1992 was the result of purchasing a 4-track, as the previous tapes were recorded with merely a boombox. During the mid-90's this project seemed to mysteriously transmute into somewhat of a living entity with a will of its own, independent of its creator and coming/going as it pleased. This factor would be a partial reason for the random disappearances/resurgences over the years. The somewhat obscure slang-term for decomposing sewage/sediment seemed appropriate for the early sound. This obscurity led to widespread discrimination by the more serious grim-faced metalhead/hipster-noise mamas-boy types living at home earning money off ebay/allowances and enough spare time to post 65498 [this is oftentimes a low estimate] times a day on numerous message boards... as it was misinterpreted by many as "some lame white-trash noisecore band named after expired food". Though by no means has this project ever been one to take itself too seriously. The other crowd of discriminators possess a much higher level of integrity. These are the individuals who have listened to the project and have empirically reduced it to simplistic weird sounds created by an overactive imagination and not "music" at all; more or less a truism... for the most part. (thank you Mike Duncan for the words).

Saturday, January 30, 2010


After original members Grand Puba and DJ Alamo left in 1992 (Puba for a short-lived solo career), Brand Nubian picked up DJ Sincere and released their second album, In God We Trust. Yeah it's a bit militant and preachy but whatever - "Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down" is still one of the best rap songs of the 90's.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Show Me Your Genitals

John Lajoie is awesome, almost makes me forgive Canada for exporting Bryan Adams, Alanis Morrisette and Neil Young to our shores. Since I was on the white-boy-rapping tip last week, I thought I'd follow it up with someone who does it right. He's got a ton of songs and videos all over the internet (YouTube clocks some songs at 24 million views (!)) and this is almost my favorite after "2 Girls And One Cup". He's got an album (finally) - go and buy it - he's also on the new FX show The League. Word!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

3-Input Woman

Oh man, where to begin when trying to describe Pennsylvania's 3-Input Woman when it's hard to find anything acknowledging their very existence across the internet? From what little info is out there, it appears they were Jesse Kling (guitar), Tim Kratz (vocals/drums), and either Lou Ceccoli or Glenn Sykes (ex-General Surgery, Regurgitate) on bass. Or maybe both, who knows. What I do remember is downloading a bunch of mp3's in all their 24 kbps glory from some "band site" back in 2001. Roughly rehearsed, roughly recorded and generally rough to listen to (turn down that treble guys, I mean c'mon!!!), the tracks are pure gold. Raw and pounding with a groovy "gestapo stomp" to boot, with song titles in the humorous "let's-just-piss-off-everyone" style Anal Cunt made popular a few years earlier. Supposedly a bunch of the band went on to create the Pennsylvania Connection, equally offensive (and obscure) scumrock purveyors. If they sound anything like this, they are definitely on my want list. But for now, check out these (demo?) tracks and bask in their hateful, heretical, hilarious greatness, still as ear-piercing as they were a decade ago.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Popular Favorite


In case you've been living in a cave since 1967, guitar god Jimi Hendrix was a prolific artist who loved to jam, often appearing unannounced at impromptu shows with any number of musicians. For better or for worse there was usually someone recording these shows, some sounding better than others, and most found their way into the $1-cassette bootleg market bins at your local Exxon with such garish titles as The Ultimate Live Collection, Historic Performances and this... The Best Of & The Rest Of Jimi Hendrix. Really? How come I've never heard of "Uranus Rock" if it's one of his best? In reality, this recording spawns from NYC's Scene Club and was recorded March 18, 1968. Players are believed to be Jimi Hendrix (guitar/vocals), Lester Chambers (harp), two unknown guitarists, unknown bass and unknown drums (some of these may or may not have been members of The McCoys or The Young Rascals, but neither Johnny Winter nor Rick Derringer were among them). The notoriety of the jam session (and why it's probably persisted for so long given its poor quality) is the joining of Hendrix on stage by Jim Morrison for backup vocals. Grabbing an open mike and contributing a growling, drunken, obscenity-laden performance, Morrison proceeds to piss off most of the audience (and supposedly Hendrix himself); especially with the classic "Morrison's Lament" (a.k.a. the "Fuck Her In The Ass" song). Well worth a listen just for that, one of the more bizarre musical pairings in rock 'n' roll legend history. There are rumors that Janis Joplin was also there trying to make an open-mouthed dive for Jimi's member but you can track down that speculation yourself...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Utter despair

Part of the burgeoning cult of mega-slow metal bands falling somewhere in between sludge and funeral doom, with a nod to the style bands like Grief pioneered in the early 90's; Otesanek take it a step further, slowing the pace even more painfully to such a level that at some point it must be deemed "drone doom". Otesanek are certainly champions of the style, on the eponymous CD above they degrade it to the slowest pace possible and deliver churning, heavy, sluggish shit; so slow and ponderous a 40-minute album fits but two songs. The drums plod along, primitively smashing near random beats. The vocals trade off growls, gurgles, and screams. The guitars are downtuned, filthy sludge riffs. It is bleak, miserable minimalism at its best. (thanks to stonetotem for review notes and Sludge Swamp (who else?) for the link).

Monday, January 25, 2010


Definite fathers of today's waaaaay-to-oversaturated goregrind genre, Catasexual Urge Motivation was formed in late 1992 by brothers Yuzin "Sadochist Spermata" Kanai (lyrics/concept) and Tomoaki "Sadochist Ejaculata" Kanai (guitar/composition), with Cyber E.M.F. as drum programmer. The Encyclopedia Of Serial Murders was the band's first (and only) legit full-length, released in 1996. Blasting drum beats, gurgling vocals and thundering, sludgy, black fuzz guitar make this a real classic. Or, as an original flyer for the CD puts it: "22 trax in 63 minutes of extremely brutal ultra sick grinding death gore metal with murder in philosophical view. A must!!!"

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I give a bitch a house call and a house fuck...

From the group you love to hate, or more specifically, the group you've never heard of. Introducing the LB's and their (only, I'm pretty sure) 1992 cassette single Bitch Get A Job. My brother picked this up back in the day and it's still as awesome nearly twenty years later as it was back then. Even the PG-rated "Stunt Get A Job" dub is hilarious - grab yer 40 oz and drink it up biiitch!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

There's A Wocket In My Pocket!

Formed in early 1994 around San Jose, California, Noothgrush is widely regarded by the few who know about them as one of the watershed West Coast sludge bands. Music aside, the fact that they reference Star Wars more than Kevin Smith (two demos named 8D8 and Kashyyyk with songs like "Jundland Wastes" and "Dianoga") - and they do it with a straight face - is huge to a sci-fi dork like me. Unfortunately Noothgrush went on a hiatus in 2001 to bury their old repertoire of songs and create new material. They briefly resurfaced in 2006, but have now officially called it quits. Too bad. Of their large 7" discography, this split CD with Corrupted is definitely my favorite. Heavy, slow slabs of sludge which ooze along like an oil spill - awesome stuff.

Friday, January 22, 2010

You Just Got Blazed!

Welp, last week I posted T-Baby's incredible contribution to the Rap Hall Of Shame - amazingly this almost trumps it. Meet Louisville, Ohio's own Denny "Blazin'" Hazen. Under his stage name "The Average Homeboy", Denny sent this awful gem to MTV in the late 80's where it was instantly ignored and sat boxed away for 17 years. Rumor has it an employee was cleaning out the warehouse, found it, uploaded it, and the rest is history. I don't know what's funnier: this video, or the fact that almost every white kid in suburbia was filming himself doing the exact same thing (and just never got caught). Surprisingly, the guy is still at it and has albums (!) for sale on his website. Sadly, he's shed the mullet and the Vuarnet gear but at least we'll always have the video...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Beer Is Good.... And Stuff!

A LOT better then you'd think it would be, Psychostick's surprisingly heavy album blows most of its fellow "humor-core" competition waaaaaay out of the water. Anthrax, M.O.D., Green Jellö, Scatterbrain and Ugly Kid Joe are the best comparisons I can come up with and they all suck compared to this. You may remember the band from their viral video for "BEER!!!" that floated around the web a couple years ago, it was pretty funny, pretty heavy, and I think everyone (myself included) was surprised when we realized there was an actual band with an album behind it. Yeah, the skits get a little long at times (and some of the humorous banter is probably staged) but tracks like "Two Ton Paperweight" and "ABCDeath" are real standouts. Check it out (along with their new album Sandwich) - you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Yeah, I know you can find this album everywhere and that everyone thinks Jamey Jasta is a sellout clown. What the fuck ever. If it wasn't for him and this album, nü metal, Taproot and Limp Bizkit would still be what everyone calls "heavy". Label it whatever you want: hardcore, metalcore, metallic hardcore, melodic metalcore, technical thrashcore.... this album fucking rules.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I AM the stallion, mang!

Ween is one of those ridiculously huge bands that eschews the Billboard Top 100, MTV, Grammys, etc. and instead exists as an institution of its own. Their sound? They sound like.... well.... Ween. Disparagingly compared by some to past acts as the Grateful Dead and Phish (more likely due to their perpetual touring then their actual music), such an association is a real disservice to the brothers of Boognish. Not only are they better musicians then the aforementioned clones; but they are bolder, more diverse, and, in a nutshell, more fun. What band, after grinding it out in the Trenton trenches for a decade, would follow up their cusp-of-a-mainstream-hit "college radio" album Chocolate And Cheese (1994) with 12 Golden Country Greats (1996); a true, legitimate country album that both alienated old yet attracted new fans?? Elektra Records didn't think so either and dropped them soon after. Ween are the ultimate "working guy" band; cool, approachable musicians who are the absolute antithesis of the typical rock star. They play for their fans and themselves. They earn enough to stay on tour and feed the family. Who could ask for more after 25+ years? Vegetable Soup is an internet series of compilation albums culled together from the millions of mp3's Ween has floating around the Web. Volume 3 touches on some of their collaborative work with Frente! and the Kostars - definitely worth a listen. Unfortunately the kbps are a little thin on some of these but you'll still feel the love. Ween has earned their diehard legion of fans - time to join the fucking bandwagon bitch.

Monday, January 18, 2010


For everyone who missed their one U.S. album Jinx in 2002 (and that means most of you), Quarashi was a rap/rock group from Reykjavík, Iceland; with a style varying from a Paul's Boutique-era Beastie Boys to Rage Against The Machine. Unfortunately for them, 2002 was the year the U.S. (and pretty much everywhere else in the world) had grown tired of Limp Bizkit and any other band who was milking the hip-hop/metal bandwagon. Sadly, Quarashi weren't posers, they had been dropping rhymes since 1996 in their home country but were just too little too late. With Columbia Records dropping them like cold hákarl, Quarashi crawled back to the land of Bjork (i.e. obscurity) and lead singer/rapper Hössi Ólafsson bailed on the band. In comes replacement rapper Tiny, an Eminem-sounding thug who revitalized the crew enough to record Guerilla Disco (2005) - an awesome album bafflingly released in only Iceland and Japan. Definitely more hip-hop then previous Quarashi material - the U.S. really missed out on this one so here it is. The band broke up in 2006 but Quarashi has since put out a comprehensive blog with ALL of their material available to download.... nice!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Bizarra Locomotiva


Is this album really that great??? No, not these days when any 14-year old Alain Jourgensen wannabe can make a techno/metal album with his iPhone's GarageBand app in English class. But back in '97 when Fatboy Slim was still programming "Gangsta Boogie", Hellsau spewed their KMFDM-ish elecrothrash out of Bern, Switzerland; a conglomeration of ex-Swamp Terrorists STR (vocals and sampling), Ane Hebeisen (vocals), DJ Killroy (programming) and Bruno S (guitars). Yeah, yeah, I know, after 40 or so minutes it gets a bit repetitive but who gives a shit; over a decade later it's still heavy, still mean, and still what Fear Factory was probably trying to live up to when they recorded Demanufacture.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I Vomit On God's Child

While I've never been wicked (ha!) into black metal, the band Profanatica was one of those rare diamonds in the rough and I was pretty disappointed when they broke up before ever really getting it together. In comes Paul Ledney's one-man band Havohej to fill the void; Profanatica's ex-drummer/singer re-recorded many of the band's tracks with production A LOT better then most black metal albums (later Havohej releases included). Yep, there's no annoying analog tape/drum machine/whatever hiss throughout the recording, it's clean, tight and evil; a great album chock full of brilliant blasphemy. Profanatica has since reformed, Havohej has gone on to release other albums but I gotta say Ledney was at his peak in 1993.

Friday, January 15, 2010

How the fuck do we 'spose to keep peace?

Well, if you're not one of the 2 million people who've checked out this classic on YouTube - here ya go. For the uninitiated, T-Baby is Detroiter LaTonya Myles, who wrote "It's So Cold In The D" for Mason Graham, her friend who was shot and killed at a Coney Island restaurant in 2006. The lyrics, bargain-basement dubbing and synch are so perfectly awful - something most "DIY" garage bands can only hope to strive for. I'm still amazed it cost $300 to shoot. Rock on T-Baby.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Finnish for "Parasite"

How to describe Loinen? Pretend everyone in Eyehategod played bass (with their amps turned up as loud as possible) and they had Seth Putnam's vocals dubbed onto two tracks. Incredible sludge from these Finnish gods - pounding, miserable and unbearably depressing. Sorrowfully, singer Secundus passed away in 2009 from suicide, leaving the band's future unknown. This 2005 self-titled release is a great introduction - four tracks of absolutely depressing dirge that will make you think you blew the tweeters in your speakers before you realize your ears are just ruined.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

One for the kids....

Amazing "brutal slamming gore-soaked death metal" sophomore release by Norway's Kraanium. Better then most of the stuff I've heard lately in this getting-somewhat-too-saturated genre, The Art Of Female Sodomy delivers some really good grooves and huge breakdowns. They've got a few other releases/demos floating around out there on the blogs - or you could do the right thing and contact the band or their label for the goods. Either way, gurgle away bitches!!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

It's All Just Fuckin' Fuckin' Fuckin' Fuckin' Shit!

Well, what can more can you say about this band that hasn't already been said. Sockeye's core lineup of Fortunata, guitarist Kicky Game, drummer Yum Yums and bassist Poopy Gonzales spurted out of Kent, Ohio for this 7" classic in 1989. Musically their finest recording (and that's not really saying much), this split with That Cheezy Sensation still stands tall after 20 years. "Fuckin' Shit" is without a doubt one of the best songs ever recorded. Ever. Here's to you, Sockeye for giving a million garage bands out there hope.... if Sockeye can get a record pressed, why not me???

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Dayz Of Wayback

No this isn't a post about N.W.A.'s most disappointing album ever - it's a throwback to the compilation that really got me into the world of 7-inches, Maximum Rock And Roll classifieds, well-concealed cash through the mail and weird looks from my girlfriend (is it wrong to get all excited when Regurgitate's demo cassette arrives via international delivery after 2 months of waiting???). Already somewhat into the Boston hardcore scene and a burgeoning fan of A.C. and Exit-13, I jumped on this release: 20 or so bands mashed a 10" and bonus 7". How cool is that??? Looking back, Apocalyptic Convulsions was my introduction to so many great bands, sounds and styles that to this day molded my musical tastes.... From mincecore to snotty hardcore, this had it all, it makes a good first post and I'm only too happy to share it witcha.