Why am I not dead? My soul is dead. My team is dead. My organs feel like I have a blender buried deep inside my colon that is having fun with the 12-pack of 16oz tall boys I have been subsisting on since 6:00. Enjoy it Mr. Cancer. When I finally get around to having a doctor shove a tail pipe up my ass in ten years under the guise of a colonoscopy only to find out you're all metastasizing and shit inside my alcohol-soaked nether regions I'll wonder who'll be laughing last. Tom Coughlin it fucking won't be. Chuh-CHICK! What a fucking miserable existence. Die everyone.
2 comments:
In other news, Tom Brady changed his first name to Cindy, after his favorite member of the Brady Bunch.
I think old Tommy had better start thinking about his second career... y'know that "life after football" one.
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