απερίγραπτος

Ridiculously technical brutal death metal from this amazingly talented Grecian three-piece. Insanely fast and wicked tight, The Coming Of The Ineffable reeks of an almost mechanical stench - so utterly perfect in execution that I wouldn't be surprised if it was all clandestinely created digitally by some GarageBand super geek. The vocals are mixed a tad too high but other than that there's little negative - the super sick breakdown at the end of "Enslaved In Somnium" is one of the best things I've heard in a while. Also dig the Giger-esque album cover. Happy Turkey Day.

Curb Free Thought

Ram It Up

Unable to accept the painfully obvious trends of the music industry, MegaForce Records released a poorly-timed comp album in 1991 showcasing a few tired thrash metallers from the recently departed decade. I grabbed this CD for the M.O.D. rarity "If The Shoe Fits" - I've read (and hoped) it's from the U.S.A. For M.O.D. days but not so sure after hearing it - seems a little Gross Misconduct-y to me. Oh well, can't have everything, no? S.O.D. (yay!) and Venom contribute solid songs and I actually found myself digging the track by the idiotically-named T.T. Quick. Obscure NJ metallers The Beast show up with two songs it's always nice to hear Blitzkrieg's eponymous anthem. Rounding the LP out are some throwaway tracks by Anthrax, Overkill (ugh... I always fucking hated them), Testament and Mercyful Fate. Be forewarned - there is an absolutely awful awful rap-metal track (a la an even shittier "I'm The Man") by some fuckwad calling himself the "Lone Rager" (probably Johnny Z) which is why the [skip] button was invented. Truly terrible.

Thrash Memories

Blood Clot

Manic fucking black grindcore from Italy - sounding like the guy from Converge screaming over the Anaal Nathrakh or some similar sounding apocalyptic-esque band. Blisteringly fast as fuck with a few breakdowns here and to catch your breath. Most of the tracks hover around the two-minute mark and suffer somewhat from sounding alike but there are a couple longer, feedback-laden, almost experimental-ish epics in there to keep the record fresh. Really amazing album to grind your teeth to. Enjoy.

Antitalian

Prepare Yourself...

Probably the worst album I've ever featured in the 3-year history of this blog (and that's sayin' something), I present to you the Hard Corps and their abortion of a record, Def Before Dishonor. First off, this shit is all my fault. I remember seeing this video on MTV at some ungodly hour during my sophomore year at college and for whatever reason determining it was absolutely essential that I drop 13 bucks for the CD that next morning. I'm sure I was on several controlled substances at the time but still, twenty years later there is absolutely no excuse for my epic musical blunder. So what have we got here? Well, the song that hooked me was the title track: "Hard Corps." A sorry Anthrax-esque rap-rock anthem that seemed original so long ago (think: heavy Urban Dance Squad) with the typical "King Of Rock" riffs behind and chanting chorus - it's so banal I can't believe it was actually produced... by Jam Master Jay no less! I mean look at the clowns on the cover; you have your two token black vocalists (Dirty Bob and the Beast) and with their shitty-haircut white boy band behind them (including a couple dudes named Rev Kev and Machine Gun Kelly... are you fucking kidding?) Regardless, the rest of the album fucking sucks even worse. The sound, music and samples are so amateurish that it's laughable anyone with any status in the music industry had anything to do with this (I'm talking about you JMJ!!!). At times it doesn't even seem like half the band is playing the same song. They absolutely slaughter a cover of "Back In Black" which is so awful if I were AC/DC I'd fucking sue. And they have the gall to end the album with another cover, an amazingly shitty version of "Why Can't We Be Friends." An absolute turd of a song by a band who deserves no friends or fans or royalty checks. Check this one out simply for the experience.

Worst. Album. Ever.

34-31

Good news is Pats won. Bad news is that fucking game took 5 years off of my life. Regardless, nice to see the boys take it to Peyton once again. Sucks we'll lose to them in the playoffs but I'll savor the sweetness for now.

Snotcore

Seminal release by Beantown hardcore mainstays The Freeze. Thumbing his nose at pretty much every facet of mainstream America, the snide, ultra-condescending vocals of Clif Hanger are like a fucking cheese grater on your balls. The music is fast, high-treble Boston hardcore in the vein of Gang Green and their ilk. "Go Team Go" is my favorite - a hilarious jab against the ruling jock society that I'm sure were the antagonists of Hanger's teenage memories. "Duh Family" is a close second - a typical Freeze anthem championing the anti-Reagan family - the house is a ghetto in a fine neighborhood... they all should be shot... Yes they should!  Enjoy.

Go Pats Go

Two Sides

Amazing debut which rewrote the book on melodic NYC HxCx (and clearly influenced the eventual metalcore onslaught to come). Fast, bitter and pissy with enough breakdowns to keep any moshpit happy, there's little not to like on this one. The Biscuits have reformed for shows here and there over the years but this remains their only studio full-length. Enjoy.

Can't You Take A Fucking Joke

Let's Eat!

Y'know for someone living here for over a decade I was pretty shocked to discover how significant a sludge scene good ol' Richmond, VA had. Bands like Cough, Captives and Gritter are turning their Eyehategod worship into some really fucking good music. In 2007 the three-piece Food finally got around to recording material they had written four years earlier - their one and only eponymous LP is a meaty slab of southern-tinged granite-rock stoner sludge with enough fuzz box and distortion to clear out the stragglers at your next house party. There's not a whole lot of info out there on the band - according to one press release "Like Haley's Comet, or a rotation of the earth, Food is only in full view once in a long while" but it seems like they're still around. Hopefully we'll hear from them again soon...

RVAgina

Sour Candy

Sophomore major-label release by nerdcore legends 2 Skinnee J's had everything wrong going for it. Shelved by its record company (Capricorn) who initially promoted it then pulled the plug over some sour grapes regarding Woodstock '99. Sold to another uninterested record company (Volcano) as part of Capricorn's bankruptcy proceedings two years later. Volumizer eventually made it onto CD racks without the benefit of advertisement or reviews as trade magazines claimed to have reviewed the initial Capricorn release and would not listen to the album twice. Needless to say, this gem was quickly forgotten and destined for discount rack purgatory. Yet, as often happens with albums like this, there is a lot to like on Volumizer. "Horns Of Destruction" is a great opener - perfect for your next bumpin 'house party and "Grown Up" is a pretty rockin' would-be pop hit that in instantly catchy. "Big Beat Evangelists" showcases the darker hip-hop sound of the band with a cool-ass groove but it's the bittersweet "Lemon Drop" that stands out as my favorite. Every guy has that one girlfriend who treated you like shit while you foolishly took it- this is the pefect homage to you fucking bitches out there. The song hits that shit on the nail - awesome stuff. Unfortunately there are some misses and some of the more "ballad-y" stuff seems a little out of place. There aren't quite as many sci-fi Star Wars references on this one either but you can't have everything I guess. Enjoy.

Pass The Buck

When you see it coming, the shit runs down your leg...

Man, timing really is everything. What better era of my life to enjoy this ridiculously juvenile, sophomoric, thrash metal epitome of bad taste then during my sophomore year in highschool. For the uninitiated, U.S.A. For M.O.D. is basically Speak English Or Die Part II, an off-color rant against most everything from the era before the P.C. police started slapping "Explicit Content" stickers on every fucking album under the sun. Starring ex-S.O.D. frontman Billy Milano, the album doesn't sway much from the tone of his previous S.O.D. effort - merely a new cast of characters playing the backup roles. Guitarist Tim McMurtrie with his applaudable Misfits-esque hairdo (and "No Mercy" hat - how fucking on point was that back in '87?) is more than adequate and there's definitely some shit on the album I've never been able to decipher how he plays. Drummer Keith Davis and bassist Ken Ballone are also up to challenge and pair up as a solid rhythm section. What hurts this album all these years later is the... I dunno... goofiness of it all. Of course that's what makes it endearing in a way but another song about Freddy Krueger? Really? And the tired anti-immigrant tirades like "Import Society" come off just cartoonishly ignorant, even when you know they've got their tongues planted firmly in cheek. On the plus side though, there are some real screamers on this one - "Spandex Enormity" is a perrenial fave of mine to this day as is "Parents" (featuring Scott Ian as Billy's screaming bitch of a mother). And how can you not crack a dry smile at "A.I.D.S." you unfeeling cynical bastard (even Milano busts a chuckle singing the chorus). "Hate Tank" is a fucking great way to wrap this album up, a pounding example of perfect crossover thrash. Sadly, M.O.D. would change both band members and styles over the following years (including the nearly unlistenable Surfin' M.O.D. a short year later) and could never reproduce the greatness of their debut. Too bad.

Her Ass Alone Would Be A Feast...

Kill All Redneck Pricks

Swansong album (brilliantly titled at that) from underrated and way-ahead-of-their time Washington state sludgers Karp. Fusing a west coast blend of sludge, grunge and post-hardcore with a smarmy sense of humor, the band evokes Melvins, Sloth, Tad and any other of the late-90's genre-bending bands trying to carve their own niche into heavy music. "D+D Fantasy" is the highlight for me but the whole album rules, a tight 30 minutes of pounding riffs to smash your skull. Highly recommended.

Tumwater

Cacodemonia

Pretty solid EP from obscure (and defunct) Michigan four-piece The Virally Enthroned. Fast as fuck technical brutal death metal recorded with a drum machine. The album doesn't really get going until the third track "Necrotic Desecration" - I'm fucking digging the brutal breakdown riff in the middle while the two vocalists trade off crust-style. Enough to satisfy your late afternoon metal-fix. Enjoy.

Catharsis

This Ain't Fenway...

I know there are a lot of purists out there who will go to their grave defending the theory that Suicide Silence invented deathcore. While the band was definitely around during the genre's formative years, I still gotta give credit to Carnifex for refining the sound into what it is known for today (and bringing it to the masses), for better or for worse. In a nutshell, Carnifex just sound better - there's nothing Suicide Silence has ever released that has warranted more than a passing acknowledgement save the above. In 2008 the group released this limited 7" solely notable for its solid cover of Deftones' "9 Words". There's also a cut from their debut LP and a live track but I don't think I've ever bothered to listen to either.

No Pity

By Request...

Reasonably good recording of GG's rehearsal with the Texas Nazis before his infamous "Boozing And Pranks" show. The band chugs through the whole Twilight Room set as well as the seldom-heard "God Of Fire In Hell" (seldom enough that GG completely forgets the words). His rehearsal of "Eat My Diarreah" was available later on the Dirty Love Songs LP and is probably my favorite version of that song. And that's saying something.

1/14/15 update: I just discovered a pretty good (192 kbps) rip of GG's Rapist cassette which blows away the previously upped version I had. Here are both... you be the judge. 

Sing Along Love Songs                                                     Rapist

Tail-Devouring Snake

Heard from Asilo drummer Sebastían regarding his new side project Uroboros. Tight sludge metal from Argentina, much more structured then the dirgy chaos of his other band; the companion albums Herejía & Exilio and Misantropía & Blasfemia were released over the last few weeks and showcase a cool blackened style of sludge. Herejía & Exilio is definitely the more experimental record of the two (the epic "Holocausto" recalls Corrupted's more ambient material) while "El Último de Nosotros" on Misantropía & Blasfemia is my favorite track - a slamming blast of groove metal to destroy. Check 'em here and enjoy.

I                                                                             II

For Everybody

Oh man, I was such a fucking dork back in '85! I can vividly remember my retarded anticipation for the "Slammies" on MTV. For the unenlightened, it was a cheesy self-aggrandizing awards show in which the WWF's finest bestowed trophies upon themselves in between painfully choreographed segments of hilarity and mayhem. MTV and WWF? How did that dubious relationship come about you ask? We can all thank Cyndi Lauper featuring Captain Lou Albano in her über-popular "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and "Goonies" videos (among others) for bringing the existence of the WWF to MTV execs and... man, this book just writes itself! Coinciding with the one-shot primetime special was the release of The Wrestling Album, featuring mostly cover tunes sung by the then-stars of the wrestling world, helmed by ex-McCoy Rick Derringer who must have just been slumming for coke money. But who am I to judge, I instantly bought the cassette (in true 80's style packaged in a LP-sized cardboard sleeve) and y'know what? 25+ years later it's still laughably listenable. "Mean" Gene Okerlund, Vince McMahon and Jesse "The Body" Ventura provide some pretty humorous commentary to open the record and segue from song to song - it's the typical antagonistic banter that became standard play-by-play on Saturday afternoon's wrestling shows. The music begins with the ensemble "Land Of 1,000 Dances?!!?" - a lot funnier to listen to if you've seen the video - Roddy Piper ends up trashing the set at the end amidst other chaos. Junk Yard Dog's "Grab Them Cakes" (showcasing aged disco queen Vicki Sue Robinson on back up vocals) reeks so strongly of 80's cheese it's hard to get out of your head. Derringer solos on "Real American" which according to the commentary is an homage to the forgettable tag-team duo U.S. Express. It is just as tacky as any number of the zillion pro-USA country music anthems out there today but I'll give Derringer historical credit and just assume he wrote it while watching the montage scene Rocky IV. Jimmy "The Mouth Of The South" Hart contributes a pretty funny track regarding his girlfriend's affinity for Rick Springfield - one of the few artists on the album who actually seems like he may have some inkling of musical talent. Captain Lou's "History Of Music" is a low point on the album, a typical ranting effort by the bloated manager which is as silly as it is stupid. Flipping over to side B, the "WWF All Star" studio musicians present us with the instrumental "Hulk Hogan's Theme" (dorks younger then me will recognize this as the theme to the surely-agonizing Saturday morning Hulk Hogan's Rock 'N' Wrestling cartoon) followed by the LP's best track, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper's "For Everybody." A relatively rowdy (ha!) G-rated cover of Mike Angelo & The Idols' explicit 1984 single "The World May Not Like Me", Piper stutters and spits his way through the lyrics with the same aplomb that made him one of the smarter stars in wrestling (and fucking awesome in They Live but I digress). Gene Okerlund grooves through "Tutti Frutti" with a panache that brings to mind Val Kilmer in Top Secret! and token hick wrestler Hillbilly Jim drawls through (surprise!) "Don't Go Messin' With A Country Boy." For what it's worth his version is somewhat listenable aside from the fact that I absolutely detest country music. Wrapping it all up is perrennial 80's bad guy Nikolai Volkoff caterwauling "Cara Mia" which degrades into a shoddy version of the Soviet National Anthem. Ventura, McMahon and Okerlund throw him out and declare the entire recording a failure at which point Ventura begs the others two to duet with him. As they flee we are left with the eventual governor of Minnesota whining "It's my turn to sing!!!" You couldn't make this shit up folks. Enjoy.

Grab 'Em

Suicide Forest

Hailing from the primitive woodland known as Salem, Oregon, münn plays an oppresively slow dirge/drone/sludge/doom stew a la Otesanek and Khanate (not surprisingly most of the band is comprised of members from similar-genred labelmates Ancestørtøøth). Recorded February 27, 2008, the hour-long rehearsal set opens with the epic 45-minute "Selbstmordwald (Part I)" - a seemingly endless journey through pain and suffering which rarely gets boring (and even speeds up for a few seconds here and there). "In Defeat" follows, beginning as a wicked sludgy groove that slowly deconstructs into a slower, feedback/effect-screaming threnody. "Drone" closes the session, a 10-minute wall of amplified noise. Really powerful stuff, as obscure as it is heavy. Sadly, with the suicide of bassist Joris Brinkerhoff in 2009 the band ceased to be. R.I.P.

In Defeat

Black Slabs

Hailing from Leamington Spa, UK (my dad's hometown - no shit) and skillfully blurring the lines between grind, death and sludgecore comes Parole. Their 2012 full-length Grams Of Hate is significantly more refined then their (demo?) EP released a few years earlier while still retaining the Eyehategod-ish feedback and general grittiness of the former. The vocalist(s?) vary between Coffins' Uchino and Exit-13's Bill Yurkiewicz (giving a somewhat cool sludgecrust vibe) while the music is relatively basic groove/death played slow and sleazy. Enough filthy riffs gurgle throughout to satisfy even the most discerning heavy music fanatic - especially the concluding 14-minute epic "Lice." My only complaint is that there are only five tunes. Check 'em here. Enjoy.

Waste On

And Another...

Sheesh, not a day passes and here we are again. Searching the internet for anything by evasive Finnish sludgelords Frogskin, I discover yet another Nordic compilation rife with some of the sicker bands the genre has to offer. Starting this one off is the semi-stupidly named Demonic Death Judge, but what they lack in a cool moniker they make up for with some great Coffins-inspired death sludge. Each of their 7-minute anthems are pounding slabs of tortured riffs and bloodcurling vocals. Next up is Semtex playing a faster quasi-hardcore style much like some of the older Soilent Green material. Lastly is the twisted Nurmijärvi trio Frogskin who deserve to be lumped into the category championed by Loinen and other such lo-fi feedback sludgemongers. Amazingly dismal doom with a slight tinge of Southern States stoner grooves amidst the chaos - well worth the effort this CD took to track down. So grab a euro and head over here to buy it.

Lataamaan

Low Slow Ragnarök-core

Yep, another heartwarming compilation CDr of abominable lo-fi sludgecore straight from the icy republic of Finland. Opening the aural assault is GranG, a brutal three-piece playing wretchedly distorted sludge with so much overdrive it almost degrades into an inaudible wall of noise. Awesome stuff for purveyors of Loinen, Stumm and their miserable ilk. Phenylketonuria follows with an epic half hour of trippy sludgy funeral doom which has its moments and is much better then most offerings in a genre that I don't really like anyway. The warm hum of blazing amp tubes adds a unique layer on this surreal melodic ode to destroying the world - it's surprisingly hypnotic and almost sounds like something Ween could have done had they gone into darker places with The Pod. Wrapping up F.F.13.1970 (named for the release date of Black Sabbath's debut record) is the aforementioned Loinen and their abject composition "Lapamato" ("Tapeworm"). Imagine summoning the worst memories of your life and condensing them into a agonizingly bleak 16-minute opus and you get an idea of what to expect. Truly one of their best recordings (in the feedback-laden cassette-deck lo-fi style of Muta Core) from a band who constantly amazes me with their unrepentant self-loathing. Speaking of whom, I just discovered a webpage apparently written by one of the band members which showcases their entire discography, lyrics and song history - cool stuff. Enjoy.

Hail The Klaan Of The Anal Witch!

ボリス

To be honest, once I got over my fleeting fascination with experimental drone and noise a few years ago, there wasn't a lot in Boris' extensive discography that kept me interested. Nothing particularly against their style, just very little of theirs that I would ever consider giving repeated listens to. When I eventually came across 2002's Heavy Rocks and found it their best work, excellent lo-fi hardcore/stoner/sludge in the vein of Men Of Porn or Church Of Misery. "Dyna-Sour" is my favorite - a fuzz-laden rocker with shades of Budgie's "Breadfan". Yeah there's some ambient-ish instrumental stuff sprinkled in between but it isn't overpowering and fits rather well. And the epic "鐘" really makes me wish I fucking knew how to speak Japanese. Enjoy.

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