Thursday, September 1, 2011

Cunty Cunty Cunty Cunt

Drunkenly searching "cunt" in the iTunes Store many a year ago I stumbled upon a curious 65-song album aptly titled The Cunt Chronicles: The Best Of Shat. Most of the songs barely eclipsed the one-minute mark, for once iTunes' preview window actually gave a good indication of what to expect. Ten bucks and thirty seconds later I was introduced to the world of Jeff Wood, an ex-singer for the Dillinger Escape Plan (which had I known at the time I may have passed... not a big math metal fan) who was still reeling from a near-fatal gunshot wound to the head that seemingly skewed his world view into a murky miasma of sleaze, shit and snatch. In a word: amazing. Cunt Chronicles is as much a punk album as a comedy show, each song a hilarious routine ("I Fuck My Pillow" a personal fave) but pulled off totally straight-faced by a competent band able to switch styles from parody to punk without missing a beat. Shat actually stopped by Richmond in support of their Cuntree release; playing a pathetic little sushi (!) restaurant for barely 10 people, the boys still got dressed in their Sticky-the-clown-gone-bad dildo costumes and ripped an awesome show, giving it all they had for what probably netted them $15 and a couple warm California rolls. Amazingly they made it back to town last year, this time in some dilapidated pool hall trying to attract new customers by masquerading as a punk club (update: they failed), for their Cunt-A-Doodle Doo tour. I wormed my way through many a redneck to where Jeff was selling his Shat-gear and I gotta say he came off as an incredibly nice guy. Actually ended up chatting me up for a while - this from a dude gearing up to don a G-string and dildo helmet in front of 20 drunken strangers armed with beer bottles and pool sticks. Anyways, here's the album of that night, the aforementioned Cunt-A-Doodle Doo featuring 50 new tracks of cunt-hearted goodness. Cell phone. Wallet. Keys. That's all you fucking need. He's selling the CD for a paltry $5 here (motha fucka's gotta eat!) so man up and buy the shit. Pretend you're donating to New Jersey flood relief and write it off on your taxes you cheap cunt. 

Currently watching: 54
Currently listening to: Too $hort Get In Where You Fit In

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